[We meet our two announcers; Dan and Elly. Dan is a short, blond man who always seems nervous. Elly is a tall, big breasted brunette who likes to joke about castrating Dan.]
E: Welcome back to the Ballbusting Olympics. I’m Elly and this is my co-host Dan. Now that the opening ceremonies are over, its time to have a moment of silence.
D: Please take this moment to remember all the men who lost a testicle at last year’s Ballbusting Olympics.
[Dan looks mortified as short videos of the now half-men competing played at the bottom of the screen. Elly tried to stifle her laughter. This was not a skill she had.]
D: Thank you all for your respect. [Dan gives Elly a dirty look]
E: [still laughing] It’s time to introduce the different events for this year’s competition. Would you like to help me, Dan?
D: Of course! Let’s start with the first event from the first Ballbusting Olympics; the long jump. On one side, we have a man standing, naked from the waist down. On the other side, we have a woman who will jump 10 feet, kicking his balls before landing. She gets three kicks to get points before the other team starts. Bringing the man to his knees is rewarded with 5 points and taking him down to all 4s is worth 10. After all 5 of a team’s women have their turns, a nurse will inspect the man’s testicles to determine extra points.
E: We also have my favorite; the carriage race! In this event a man has his penis and testicles tied to a carriage on which a woman will drive. The man is blindfolded, and the woman will be responsible for giving directions. Of course, there are also obstacles which will activate if touched. Depending on the obstacle, the man’s testicles will recieve a shock of different strenghts. Some will only surprise the male, but others will cause him to be sent to the hospital.
D: We also have the tug of war. Three men will compete against one woman in a mostly traditional tug of war. The difference with this one is that the men will be pulling with the rope tied around their testicles. The first to 5 points wins.
E: Don’t forget the soft time limit. The longer the competition takes, the more likely that the men’s nuts will be “strangled” by the rope.
D: I would like to assure the audience that no man has lost a testicle in this competition. There have, however, been some scares about lowered sperm counts.
E: And let’s not forget the final competition; foozeshot. Each team is made up of 3 women and 12 men. The men will be attached to giant poles, each at different distances from the opposing team’s women. The men, again naked from the waist down, will have to try to run side to side to avoid the women hitting their balls with their sling-shots. The farther away the balls, the more points the women will gain by hitting them. The event ends after 15 minutes, and the team with the most points win. I would say that the real winners are actually anyone who doesn’t get hit in the nuts.
D: We still have a few minutes before the first event. Why don’t we talk about our favorite parts of the competition? Why don’t you go first, Elly?
E: We all know my favorite part. [she shows Dan a grin] I like seeing red, swollen nuts and throbbing boners that the men always seem to have. I love how a ruptured testicle swells up and looks like a water balloon. And then there’s the cum that often spirts out after a good kick.
D: You really are an expert on testicles. I’m just here to see a good competition. Let’s take a look at the field as the first event starts.
